19. Serenity Upended

Normally able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, Jake found it unusually difficult to get comfortable. Maybe either the elk medallions or the Montana huckleberry preserves were disagreeing with him. Or, maybe it’s just I ate like a pig, he wondered. Regardless of the cause, he found himself restless, tossing and turning.

To make matters worse, it happened to be the peak of the elk rutting season. During the rut, male elk compete for the affection of female elk. Bulls make loud bugling sounds to caution other bulls to keep their distance and to signal their group of female elk that it’s time for some playful activities in the open field.

Year after year, this specific bull – the one Jake named Loudmouth – would choose Jake’s pasture as the main stage for all their antics. The commotion usually settled down just before dawn. But, until then, Jake felt compelled to cover his head with a pillow to muffle the bugles and grunts echoing from just outside his bedroom window.

Jake made his way to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water, and settled into his recliner in the basement. The environment was a bit quieter there, and he considered the possibility of sleeping in the chair.

However, his attention was diverted by the calendar on the wall. The date, April 3rd, struck a strangely familiar chord. Then, it dawned on him – this marked the eighth anniversary of his split from Lydia. Their cohabitation lasted only eighteen months.

To be sure, the past eight years had been quite a rollercoaster. But even before that, his life had been anything but placid. Jake switched on some chamber music as a backdrop and started reflecting on the chapters of his life.

In many ways, his independent adult life closely mirrored his solitary childhood. He found the greatest tranquility when he had the freedom to rely on his own abilities, deal with his own responsibilities, and follow his own instincts.

Jake grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas, but following his Bar Mitzvah, he was sent off to a parochial boarding school in Brooklyn, New York. His encounters with the ‘stroking beards,’ his term for the learned rabbis, were insufferably negative and left him with a distaste for any religious institution.

After graduating from high school, he came back to Little Rock and pursued a four-year degree in structural engineering at the University of Arkansas. His initial post-college position was with Siemens, where he served as a project manager on a five-year manufacturing plant in Phoenix, Arizona, being built for Glaxo Pharmaceutical.

In December 1989, the Glaxo project concluded, leading to Siemens letting go of Jake as part of a reduction in force action. Soon after, he joined an engineering consultancy in Golden, Colorado, taking on the role of Manager of Engineering. Jake stayed with Archer for 13 years, although work wasn’t his sole focus for much of that period.

Surprisingly, it was at the Hampden Street Antique Market, while on the hunt for a rare hand-crank meat grinder, that Jake met Lydia Fessler. Inadvertently, he bumped into a woman with blonde bangs and eyes that sparkled.

Things progressed, and soon they were spending time together several times a week. Lydia considered herself lucky that Jake didn’t bolt for the door when he found out she had two kids from her previous marriage.

In the initial months of their 18-month romance, everything seemed idyllic. The blended family appeared to be a harmonious mix of love and understanding. Jake embraced his role as a supportive figure, and the children warmed up to him, fostering a sense of unity and happiness.

However, as time went on, the lack of discipline in the children began to test Jake’s patience. What initially seemed like minor challenges transformed into significant sources of tension.

Jake found it increasingly difficult to navigate the delicate balance between maintaining a healthy relationship with the children, and their protective mother while addressing the discipline issues that had surfaced.

Frustration mounted, leading to conflicts between Jake and Lydia. Disagreements over parenting styles and the children’s behavior became frequent and intense. The once-loving atmosphere began to erode, replaced by the strains of constant arguments and growing resentment.

They attempted couples counseling, but the only valuable insight gained was that their living space was too confined. “Maybe upgrading to a bigger apartment or even a house could provide each of the four of you with an opportunity to have some space from one another. It could offer safe havens during stressful moments,” the counselor suggested.

Jake purchased a spacious five-bedroom house spanning 3,500 square feet in the Denver foothills. The property featured a guesthouse, a detached three-car garage, and a two-stall pole barn. The kids relished the newfound freedom, and Lydia appreciated the tranquil surroundings. Overall, Jake was content with the place, except for the noise during the elk rutting season.

Nevertheless, despite efforts to discover shared understanding, the strain between the couple escalated to a breaking point. The once-promising romance ultimately faltered under the burden of unresolved issues and irreconcilable differences.

 The couple reluctantly decided to part ways, realizing that the challenges they faced had transformed their once-heavenly relationship into a painful and untenable living hell.

The stressful home with Lydia took its toll, with Jake’s attitude at work suffering. His declining performance was noticeable by his employer, clients and, most importantly, himself. In August of 2003, Jake submitted his resignation after thirteen years.

With 19 years of hands-on experience under his belt, Jake believed it was the right moment to establish his own business. He launched his consulting venture, primarily providing forensic engineering expertise in defense of post-project claims. Operating his company from home through the internet suited Jake well, as he disliked travel and undertook it only when absolutely required.

It required little time after their departure for Jake to discover his rhythm. Working from home can be a challenge for those who struggle to maintain a healthy balance between work and home life. However, by having his office situated in a walk-out basement, the rest of the house was exclusively designated for his personal living. And so, work and home lives were effectively cordoned off from one another.

In the fall of 2003, as a present to himself for his 41^st birthday, Jake purchased a luxurious pool table and had it set up in his spacious living room. This became his preferred spot, where he enjoyed listening to music on an advanced sound system and blasting as loud as he might like while honing his skills at making bank shots.

The isolation of his reclusive existence had its consequences by 2004, prompting him to join as a volunteer firefighter. With Inter-Canyon Fire/Rescue Station 3 located conveniently just below his house, it turned out to be an ideal arrangement.

Then, in February 2006, everything was disrupted by a single phone call from a friend in Florida. Rexanne sounded shaken and urgently wanted to leave Tampa. Jake’s offer, unquestionably noble, was profoundly beneficial to the struggling Dorfmans. But it was also impulsive.

After four months, the Dorfmans arrived and temporarily stayed in the guesthouse. Rexanne actively searched for a permanent home, and by August, the guesthouse was vacant once more. Jake found himself alone again. What did Washington say? ‘It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company,’ Jake thought.

Over time, Jake noticed a decreasing presence of Rexanne and the kids, and oddly enough, he welcomed the solitude. His life was gradually returning to the way it was before the invasion when, in August 2007, Jake experienced a sudden sneezing fit that ruptured two vertebrae in his back.

Jake underwent emergency spinal surgery within a week. For the duration of his recovery period, Rexanne and the kids stayed temporarily in the guesthouse, so she could nurse him back to health. However, by October, Jake had recovered enough mobility to manage on his own.

Then, on a particularly melancholic day, Jake stood resiliently, supporting himself with a cane, as he watched a buyer from Craigslist carefully  disassemble and haul away his cherished pool table.

Have you ever noticed how seemingly random events can sometimes weave into a continuum of meaning and destiny when viewed from the vantage point of time? Such might be Jake’s back surgery and the resultant vacancy in the living room.

Within the Mile Hi community, word spread about Rexanne’s proposal for a Soul of America group. With approval from church leadership obtained, the SAG group convened its inaugural meeting at a charming restaurant in Evergreen.

However, the group’s membership expanded rapidly and within one month outgrew the initial venue. It was then that Rexanne beseeched Jake to allow the group to hold their monthly meetings in his vacant living room. “Just once a month,” she implored.

Throughout his life, Jake had difficulty saying ‘no’ to people, and this was no exception. The first SAG meeting to be held at Jake’s residence occurred on January 8, 2009. The group would go on to meet there for nearly three years.

Then, just yesterday, Jake found himself in that same familiar living room when the sudden blast of an eighteen-wheeler’s air brakes shattered the quiet, right as the last notes of Billy Joel’s “Lullaby” faded from his speakers.

He had gazed through the living room window wall just in time to witness a car crawling to a stop on the shoulder of the highway, in front of the fire station.

Observing steam rising from the car’s hood and noticing a distressed woman standing on the dangerous roadside, Jake immediately sprang into action. He swiftly mounted his ATV and descended the hill to see how he might be of help.

Cassie opened her eyes to the unaccustomed sounds of unfamiliar surroundings. She was lying in bed, the window slightly ajar, and she could hear the melodic song of a western tanager calling for its mate, on wing and in search of food. Nearby, a downy woodpecker was busy pecking away at an eave beneath the garage’s roof. The gentle cooing of a mourning dove echoed from somewhere overhead.

In the early morning hours of summer in Denver, the weather is pleasantly cool. In the foothills, the gentle and consistent breezes can be surprisingly nippy, even causing a slight chill on the skin.

Cassie took a deep breath of the cool, fresh air drifting in through the window by her bed. The unfamiliar scents tickled her nose, causing her to sneeze unexpectedly.

She wrapped herself in a robe and wandered across the connected porches that linked the guesthouse to the Main House, following the rich smell of French Vanilla coffee. “How’d you sleep?” Jake asked as she slid onto a barstool at the kitchen island.

“It’s beautiful up here,” she replied. “It makes it so easy to forget about everything…” She took a sip of coffee, then suddenly remembered. “Oh! My car!” A sharp pang hit her stomach.

“Already at Irv’s,” Jake said. “Called him early this morning. Found your keys on the desk in the guesthouse. Didn’t want to wake you. Been through a lot.” Cassie sat there, speechless. “Anyway, he should have it ready by the end of the day,” he continued. “But no rush—stay as long as you want.”

“How’d you sleep?” she asked.

“I had a rough night.” He considered sharing how he’d spent most of it lost in memories, but decided against it. “Oh, by the way, there’s a study group from a local church that meets in my living room once a month. They’ll be here on Wednesday. You’re welcome to join in or just keep to yourself. Your choice.”

“Thanks. I think I’ll head back over for now.”

“No worries. But, if you decide – they discuss America, being a responsible citizen, and similar topics. I’d be glad to introduce you to their leader. Rexanne is a close friend. In fact, she and her children were the most recent occupants of the guesthouse.”

“Thanks, again, said Cassie as she turned and walked toward the guesthouse, seeking the comfort of solitude.

The view from their table by the window was breathtaking. “Looks like an oil painting, doesn’t it?” Jake uttered to break the ice. “Never gets old. This is my favorite booth.” He paused, as Dolly stopped by to get their drink orders.

 “Victoria’s been around since … forever. Local best-kept secret; the pride of Conifer. Good variety. Excellent quality. Fantastic service,” he said, raising his volume for the benefit of their server, who had been eavesdropping while bussing the table behind them.

Dolly couldn’t shake her curiosity about Jake’s mysterious female companion. Cassie’s face was unfamiliar, sparking all kinds of wild thoughts in Dolly’s mind. Meanwhile, Cassie was miles away, her gaze lost in the endless mountain landscape outside the window.

The past two days had been a strange blend of chaos and calm. “Irv is really a nice guy,” Cassie said, breaking the silence. “And, true to his word, he finished it in just one day!” She looked deep into his eyes, and added, “Thanks for letting me stay an extra day”

“Yeah,” Jake mumbled, his mouth full of focaccia bread. “Well, you’re free to leave whenever you want.” He flashed a teasing smile. Cassie looked taken aback. “But … you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

Hoping to steer the conversation toward food, he added, “Matt’s a great cook—and the owner. He always treats you well.” Jake watched as Cassie perused the menu. “Order whatever you want. It’s on me. I don’t get many visitors, so my hospitality budget is a bit bloated.” That earned him a smile from her.

Over dinner, the two strangers gradually laid those labels to rest. Shedding her protective seal, Cassie told her life story in under five minutes, interrupted by occasional questions from Jake. For his part, Jake was by his nature more diffuse, keeping most personal details close to the chest.

Cassie found herself dissatisfied with the answers she received, even feeling a bit foolish for having shared as much as she had. She tried to level the field. “You don’t share much, do you?” Jake pointed to his mouth, which was methodically chewing on a piece of prime rib he had just forked. He flushed down the crushed morsels with a slurp of beer.

“Sorry.” Balancing his knife on the plate’s edge, he leaned back in his seat. “I guess – well, for starters, no. I’m not the world’s greatest conversationalist. Never thought I was all that interesting. But beyond that, I guess I haven’t really thought of my life as a continuing plot.”

“What do you mean?” Cassie was happy that he was unleashing, maybe even a little proud of herself for being the catalyst.

“My life’s more like a digest of unrelated short stories. Not necessarily connected in any meaningful way.” He paused, took another sip, and continued. “At least I don’t think so.”

“So, what are the short stories? I’d love to hear them.”

“Well, if I take them chronologically …” He decided his steak was getting cold, so he returned to the business at hand, as he continued. “Preteen years were fairly chaotic. For my folks that is. For me, mostly ignored – alone. Teenage years spent away from home in boarding schools. Religious schools, to be candid.”

“What religion, if I may ask?”

“Jewish. Got swallowed up in the fanatical end of it. Orthodox! Have to be born into that world to like it. To survive it.”

“And you weren’t?”

“Nope. Came out of Arkansas. My folks were mainly Conservative. You know, once a year Jews – High Holidays and the occasional Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s kid.” Looking up, he wondered whether his new acquaintance was familiar with any of these terms. “Know what I mean?”

“Well, back in Havre de Grace there is a small Jewish community, and they have always been kind, helpful, compassionate people. Good friends to us Catholics. Yes, I’m familiar with the High Holidays and Bar Mitzvahs. I know about sitting shiva when someone dies. I know about the straw hut you sit in during …”

“Sukkos,” Jake supplied. “Well, I didn’t take to strict religious fanaticism. Yet, equally, I couldn’t accept Jesus as my Savior. No disrespect intended,” he said as he savored the garlic mashed potatoes.

“None taken. This is fascinating to me. What happened after those school years?” Cassie had opted for the almond-crusted perch, seafood being more of her thing, given her upbringing on the shores of Chesapeake Bay.

“So, I’ve spent my adult years devoid of any religion.”

“Atheist?” Cassie asked.

“No. Theist comes closest. Something like that. Not something I think much about. Any religious talk and I get uneasy.” He paused, then decided to change subjects. “Tried marriage, but that didn’t work out. I was the dysfunctional one. Didn’t realize it at the time, but I know it now.”

“Kids?”

“No. That much I did right.”

“What do you mean? Children can be a blessing. They can fulfill you in ways adults could never. I happen to think that God speaks best through children.”

 “I agree. No, I just don’t think I am healthy enough to have kids. Dysfunction is hereditary, you know. Unless you undergo a complete lobotomy,” he added, with a slight chuckle.

When Cassie told her story, she stopped with the deaths of her parents and sister, short of telling Jake about Lizzy. At the time, that seemed too personal. But now she felt more relaxed. Maybe it was the zinfandel doing its magic.

“What about you? You never married, right? No kids either?”

“Well, not entirely. You see, my sister, Mary, had a little girl – by a guy who basically raped her. She kept the baby.”

“Didn’t believe in abortion, huh,” Jake remarked.

“I’m not so sure it was that principled of a decision, frankly. Mary wasn’t that deep of a thinker. Certainly not that traditional, or religious, or –. Nah, I think it was something else.”

“I’m listening,” Jake said, as he scooped some green peas onto his fork. Dolly came around to freshen up the drinks and take away dirty appetizer dishes.

“After my parents died, for the balance of her life, Mary had tried desperately to find love. Each attempt ended worse than the one before. I think Mary eventually thought she could create someone to love her. Lizzy would be her love, her best friend, her soulmate.”

“Doesn’t work that way,” Jake commented, drawing on observations made over his 46 years.

“That’s the thing about disrupted childhoods. When you end your teen years before you’ve received sufficient love and respect, the adult that emerges spends the rest of his or her life searching for it.”

“Tell me about it!” he exclaimed. “That’s my point exactly. Dysfunction is hereditary.” He paused to think.  So, whatever happened to Lizzy? After Mary died, that is?”

“She lived with me. Luckily, Mary just happened to have made me Lizzy’s legal guardian only a year before. At that time, Mary’s life was spinning out of control. She must have sensed something evil might happen to her.”

“But Lizzy’s not with you now. Is she still in the car?” Jake joked. He looked up to see Cassie’s face turn pale. He thought about prodding further but decided he’d better not.

Cassie was fishing for something in her purse. She pulled it out and held it to her chest for a moment as if deciding whether to share it or not. As she clutched it to her bosom, she continued her story. “Lizzy ran away. I’ve looked everywhere for her. It’s been eight months, but no luck.”

She hesitated, took a deep breath, and said, “And then, in March … I get this.” She slid the postcard across the table. Cassie watched as Jake read Lizzy’s words.

“Wow. Whew! I’m a guy of few words, but – well, never speechless.”

“That’s where I was headed. To Lakewood, California. That’s where the postcard came from. I have a deal with God. If I get myself there, He will guide me to her.”

Jake had flipped the card over. His eyes squinted as he asked, “How’d you know she’s in Lakewood California? There’s no return address.”

“Look at the cancellation stamp. Lakewood CA. See,” she said, pointing to the card that was upside down to her.

“Cassie, dear. I hate to break it to you. That’s not CA. That’s CO. That’s Lakewood, Colorado!”

“What? Let me see!” She snatched the card from his hand and stared in disbelief. “Yes, it is. Oh, my Lord. Do you know where Lakewood is?”

“Sure. It’s right here in Denver. From my spread, about twelve miles as the crow flies.”

For the next several minutes, neither of them said a word. Cassie was in a state of shock, for so many reasons. For one, she could have been driving to California for nothing. For another, her car breaking down in the Denver area seemed to her like divine intervention. “I need to rethink my plans,” not realizing she was speaking aloud.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay in the guesthouse as long as you’d like. No pressure. You’ve got a lot of thinking to do. Let me know if I can help.”

Cassie didn’t respond, lost in her churning thoughts. Suddenly, she realized he had been talking to her. She replayed what her subconscious mind had recorded and then said, “Thank you for the kind offer. Maybe for a day or two, if it’s all right. Just until I get my car repaired and figure out what to do next.” “No worries,” Jake assured her. “Dessert?” She declined. “Well then, why don’t we head back to the house? You can settle in.” To Cassie’s surprise, they rose without waiting for the check. As they walked to the front door, Jake leaned through the serving window and shouted to Matt working over the grill, “Great as always. Thanks, bud. Put it on my tab.”