21. Equilibrium

That evening, Cassie and Jake cooked dinner together, and Cassie excitedly recounted her adventures in Central City, particularly her visit to the cemetery. Jake listened attentively as she shared every detail.

“What do you think about all of this, Jake? Just nonsense?” Cassie asked.

“Hardly! Not that simple, Cassie,” Jake replied with a smile. “The God I believe in, the One who created this vast universe, surely has the power to do some extraordinary things. Things we can’t explain. Don’t you agree?”

Over dinner, they mainly discussed Jake’s investigation into the sad death of Harry Dorfman. Even though they were close friends in high school and early adulthood, Jake and Harry had grown apart over the past ten years.

The choice to write a book about Harry’s challenges was borne of noble intentions. Jake was dedicated to finding the truth and showing it to Rexanne in as good a light as possible. If only, he hoped it might rid her, and the children, of the lingering guilt that haunted them.

“It’s like sucking on spaghetti. Never ends,” Jake explained. “Each clue leads to another. Every answer … more questions.” He paused, staring at the ceiling. “So far, seems there was corruption at his workplace. Harry dug deeper. Became more and more of a target.”

“So, was it murder?,” Rexanne wondered.

“Oh, there were murders. More than one. But Harry’s death? Not sure. They say suicide, but he may have been given no other option. Anyway…”

“Sounds like you’ve solved the mystery,” Rexanne observed.

“Incredibly complex. Multiple overlapping layers. Not sure yet how all the pieces fit,” he replied, carrying the empty plates to the kitchen sink.

“When I used to get writer’s block, I found it helpful to take a break,” she reminisced about her days of writing term papers. “Want to join me in the hot tub?” she offered.

“This is great,” Jake commented. “I really should do this more often. Thanks for the idea,” he said, leaning back in his seat. Suddenly his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and stood up abruptly. “I need to answer this,” he announced with a serious face. “It might take a bit. Don’t wait for me. Enjoy yourself as long as you want.”

“Everything all right?” Cassie asked, watching him quickly dry off and disappear into the house without answering.

Cassie took another sip of her zinfandel and carefully placed the glass on the edge of the tub. The night was clear, with countless stars sparkling in the sky like diamonds on black velvet. A soft breeze carried the scent of lavender from the garden wall nearby.

Relaxed by the wine, tears streamed down Cassie’s cheeks as she listened to Alicia Keys singing, ‘Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?’ The song portrayed Alicia’s determination to move forward after a breakup, even though memories of her lover lingered.

Cassie must have replayed it several times before drifting off to sleep, comforted by Alicia’s lyrics promising, “I’m gonna find a way to make it without you.”

Dreaming was a rare experience for Cassie, so her skill at recalling details once awake were amateurish, to say the least. But when she awoke, she found herself especially tense, even fearful.

To Cassie, recalling the particulars of her dream while they were still graphic felt like trying to capture elusive bubbles that were drifting away and bursting into a spray of iridescent droplets before she could catch them.

No matter how hard she tried, all she could remember was one random word: ‘Equilibrium!’ Well, that’s not very helpful, she thought to herself.

Cassie turned off the water, got out of the tub unsteadily, and reached for a towel. “Where do I start?” she pondered aloud. “I feel like I’m on a journey with no clear destination.”

Journey, she repeated in her mind. “That’s it!” she exclaimed, gaining confidence. “I’ll read Journey of Souls from beginning to end. And I’ll enroll in Science of Mind classes at Mile Hi.” I need to fill my mind with fresh ideas, not just dwell on the same old ones, she concluded silently.

For much of her life, Cassie had relied on others to guide her path. When she was young, it was of course her mother and father. Then, as they became absentee parents – due to health issues, it was Mary who directed her actions. After they were no longer part of her life, Cassie sought guidance from Aunt Ruth, Father Mac, or even Ms. Phillips.

As she laid nestled in bed, Cassie noted that, even when she wasn’t being told what to do by others, events still seemed to dictate her actions. For instance, when she had to write that term paper, it made her ponder life’s big questions and her own role in history. But, it took the assignment to get her to think about those things.

After Mary passed away, Cassie had been suddenly thrust into the role of a mother figure for Lizzy, a responsibility she hadn’t prepared for. When Lizzy ran away, Cassie didn’t think twice about going after her. Time and again, responsibilities seemed to fall on Cassie’s shoulders, even when she never asked for them.

And now? Now … what should I do next? That was the one question that kept Cassie up at night, plaguing her thoughts endlessly. What should I do now? Her body felt relaxed, though still slightly wet from the hot tub. As she wrapped herself in the blanket and shifted onto her side, she snuggled her head into the soft goose-feather pillow.

In the morning, she quickly downed a protein shake and rushed out to meet Rexanne for their morning run. “I know you’ve been feeling a bit lost,” Rexanne said as they jogged side by side. Cassie nodded, her thoughts swirling. “I’ve been thinking about Jake’s question,” she admitted, while their ponytails swayed in sync with each stride.

“Which was?” Cassie inquired.

“What’s here that isn’t in Maryland?” Rexanne reminded her. “And didn’t you answer him, Mile Hi?”

“Yeah. So you’re thinking I’m here to learn more about Mile Hi teachings and see where it takes me?” Cassie questioned.

“Well, yeah… that’s one idea. Science of Mind’s Back to Basics course begins this week. You could join that. I’d be glad to do it with you. It’s always good to hear things a few times,” Rexanne suggested.

“Okay. Then that’s what I’ll do. SOM it is,” Cassie decided.

“But there’s something else here that Maryland doesn’t have.”

“There is? Like what?” Rexanne inquired.

“Have you started Journey of Souls?” Rexanne asked.

“I can’t stop reading it! You didn’t tell me how captivating it would be,” Cassie exclaimed. “But yeah, I just reached that chapter on signposts and…”. Cassie’s voice trailed off. “Wait! Are you saying there’s a signpost I should be searching for?”

“I could be mistaken, but I don’t think it works that way. No, I’m suggesting that Dr. Newton is here. Just up the highway, in Golden.”

“What do you mean? Should I try hypnosis?”

“That’s what I’m wondering, Cass. Specifically …  regressive hypnotherapy. Don’t you see? You’ve been trying to find spiritual answers through a physical perspective. Get what I’m saying?”

By this point, their heart rates were pumping. Up ahead, the jogging path turned right and started to go uphill gradually. “Not really. I think I’m confused,” Cassie replied, catching her breath.

“I know that all of this is new to you, but try to think of yourself as a spiritual being,” Cassie’s best friend said.

“As a soul?” Cassie asked to clarify.

“Yes! And your soul is like one continuous, everlasting existence, unlike human life which is temporary.” She paused, searching for an analogy. “Imagine a string with several pennant flags hanging down from it.”

“Alright, I get it. Each flag represents a different aspect, and the string is what connects them all. Is that right?”

“Exactly. Consider the string as your eternal soul, which never ends,” Rexanne affirmed.

“And each flag represents a separate human life,” Cassie finished Rexanne’s thought. “So, you’re saying that I might be trying to understand everything only within the confines of this one life I’m experiencing at the moment. Is that what you mean?”

“You’re a very smart woman, Cass. What I’m suggesting is that the answer you’re looking for might only be heard by listening to your soul,” Rexanne explained.

“So, that’s why hypnotherapy. I see. But why Dr. Newton specifically? Wouldn’t any hypnotherapist work? Even one in Maryland?” Cassie inquired.

“Maybe,” Rexanne replied. “But he’s available here, and you’re here too. There might be a reason why you’re both here at this moment. And something brought you here, specifically.”

It was all too much for Cassie to handle simultaneously. After discussing further with Jake and Rexanne, Cassie decided to complete the six-week Back to Basics course at Mile Hi. By then, she would also be finished with Journey of Souls. Once both of these undertakings were behind here, she would consider pursuing Dr. Newton. Maybe, she comforted herself.

On September 1^st, Cassie phoned Dr. Newton’s office to book an appointment, but she learned he wasn’t accepting new patients. That can’t be right, Cassie thought to herself. He simply has to see me, she insisted silently.

“What should I do?” Cassie sought advice from Jake, her previous mentors now gone. “What should I be asking for?” Cassie had reached out to Jake for guidance, her previous mentors now gone.

“In my world, the person who requests the meeting sets the agenda,” Jake explained.

“That’s what I’m saying, Jake. I’m the one seeking these sessions. Dr. Newton will want to know what I want to achieve,” Cassie replied.

“But that’s not what I mean. I’m saying, if the Universe is leading you to Dr. Newton then…”

“Ah … so you’re suggesting… if I’m being guided to hypnotherapy, the universe will set the agenda, once I’m in it,” Cassie interrupted. “But how do I persuade Dr. Newton to accept me?”

“Once again — and maybe I’ve been spending too much time with Rexanne — let the universe conspire!” Jake suggested.

This time, when Cassie called again – at 9:01am! – she pleaded with the receptionist to request Dr. Newton to just call her back. The receptionist agreed to pass on the message but couldn’t guarantee anything.

Cassie kept her phone close all day, and even through the night. As the next day slipped by—from a bright morning, to a rainy afternoon, to a somber evening—her hope faded with each passing hour.

The night grew to a close, and Cassie headed to bed. As she was brushing her teeth, she remembered something Father Mac had told her: “Before you ask, it is answered.” Just as she thought this, her cellphone vibrated.

“Hello?” Her voice trembled. “This is Cassie.”

“Hi, I’m Michael Newton. I saw that you called. As my assistant mentioned, I’m sorry but I’m not taking new patients right now. My schedule’s booked for the next three years. I appreciate that you reached out, but Gladys mentioned you sounded anxious, maybe even desperate.”

Cassie’s heart sank.

“That said, I don’t like turning people away in distress. I can refer you to a few colleagues if you’re interested,” he added.

Cassie was shaking, fully aware she was talking to someone renowned around the world. It felt surreal, like speaking to a celebrity. “Um, yes,” she stammered, clearing her throat. “I would have preferred you, of course, but if someone else can help me understand why I’m here, that would be a relief.”

The conversation lasted only a minute or two longer. Just before they were about to hang up, Cassie quickly asked, “Thank you, Dr. Newton. Oh, one more thing—can this other doctor help me with a dream?”

“A dream? What do you mean?” Newton asked, sounding intrigued.

“Well, it’s not really a dream. More like a single word that keeps coming to me. For three mornings in a row – just when I wake up.”

“What word?”

“Equilibrium,” Cassie answered. “I know, it’s silly. I have no idea what that word even means!” There was a brief pause. She thought she heard him shuffle some papers. “Can you come in next Monday at 2 pm?”